The Mother, Teacher, Photographer, and me?
Well..... who could have predicted that. The first few weeks I think we were all a bit shell shocked, doing the bare minimum we could, trying to figure out how to get our basic supplies and protecting our family with more hand washing than we've ever known.
Can we still believe McDonald's actually shut! We settled, and entered a world online, home cooked and baked everything, had an appointment with Jo Wicks every morning, and were glued to the briefings.
The world was standing still, yet things moved fast as businesses pivoted themselves, communities came together to help their neighbours, and hordes of folks were sewing scrubs.
I was running on adrenaline, no business (income) overnight, what on earth would I do! But by then we were all very worried about our NHS, clapping, painting rainbows, and raising money. Which is where my inspiration for how I could help came from with the Doorstep Diaries and capturing the social history being created in front of our eyes.
Using my daily 1 hour exercise, with about a mile and a half radius of my house, captured families on their doorsteps in the moment. Some in PJs, some shielding, some keyworkers, but all together. We raised just over £1100 with the generous donations given by the 70 families. I was blown away by the support that continued to be given to me with the sales of Time Capsules and the books, a wee bit of income.
But we also started home schooling.... which by far has been the hardest part of this whole year. For me, it was coping with the switch between teacher and then Mum. We work all morning, we struggle, there are cross words, sometimes tears, and then it’s lunch and I'm Mum again reassuring and comforting it will all be ok. While carrying the load of no work, no money. The grants were announced, I qualified, it was a relief. Yet fraught with guilt for those who didn't qualify.
Lockdown lifted, I could work – but parent's were nervous, most bookings were returning family's. The experience pregnant woman were having was not nice! Restricted partners to scans, high risk group, self isolating from 38 weeks, partners having to wait in carparks while the Mums laboured alone. It’s no surprise when they got out they just wanted to be together and reduce any risk. I cannot tell you how wrong, yet privileged it was to meet these babies before the grandparents could get hold of them.
So even though I could work, the work was challenging to get. I had my Christmas shoots in October half term, just in case, I've never had to do them so early!
Then back into lockdown 2 with the hope of a normal Christmas, restrictions getting tougher and tougher the closer we got. Many families grappling with do I, dont I get together. Opinions were divided, people fatigued with the lack of normality. Our Christmas was one of the best, just us four, enjoying our gifts and company and food - safe - together. With the most unusual present exchange with the extended family on the drive!
Then came hope, a new year, new plans, big ideas, raring to go!!! And..... nope, Lockdown 3. The schools have it sussed now, we are in normal timetables online, and live lessons. But..... that doesn't mean they don't need help, the work is more comprehensive now, there is a daily email outlining what still needs completing- the pressure is relentless. Mum/Teacher is still managing tears and tantrums, particularly with one child moving key stages and the work being more intuitive, rather than prescriptive - and they just don't get it and I can’t explain it.
The photographer has sunk to the bottom of the pile. But there is more pressure to be present, stay positive to survive. The grant money has run out, another promised, but you can't apply for two months. More pressure.
Sea swimming, the saviour. Running, the godsend. God bless my swimming pod, they have provided giggles, virtual hugs, and tranquillity amongst the crazy. And my Running Pal, well.... where to start, just short of 700 miles - every step together, the sanity, the tears, the admin stops, the focus, the chats, the achievements, the love, the friendship - the gratitude.
And now…. exhausted, fatigued, lost direction. It’s been a long relentless year. Hope is on the horizon, but the same client nerves exist. My confidence needs rebuilding, my energy stores need topping up, this I know - and so do all Mums who have been multitasking beyond belief with very little time to themselves.
Easter is shortly here, no homeschooling, just fun, together, out and about, together, regrouping, together, rebuilding, and safe.
So rather than big plans, and raring to go, I'm gentle on the gas, treading gently, building client confidence and mine. Controlling the excitement of getting back behind the camera, which I do love with all my heart.
If you've got to here- thank you. It’s an honest reflection, and I know I'll bounce right back, taking all the learning and resilience last year has given me and spreading it all over the shop!
All my love, and warm virtual purple hugs to all of you that have overcome, and survived the last year - it’s been epic, we've still a bit to go, but we are so nearly there.
Your photographer, Tina
